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Simply Giving

The need to be loved is often what drives compulsive giving. It can lead you into a hall of mirrors in your relationships. Compulsive givers feel unseen and unappreciated. They are also exhausted.

Moving to a New Blog!Come visit me at my new blog to keep posted on tools to live your own life.

Lovingly,

Jeannie

For many months now, I’ve been writing posts for my blog at www.innerconfidencecoaching.com/blog instead of at www.theinnerconfidenceblog.com, where you are right now.

I invite all of you to visit me by clicking on www.innerconfidencecoaching.com/blog to read the latest entries each and every week.

See you there!!!

Lovingly,

Jeannie

In our culture, it is very familiar to read, hear, and deeply understand from our own experience what it is like to seek confidence, exude confidence, and feel confident or ‘a lack thereof’ which is usually labelled as insecure. Confidence is something to be desired and attained, and insecurity is to be overcome. Continue Reading »

The Gift of Time

As givers, we know very well what it’s like to give the gift of time. It is time that we give to others in a myriad of ways that express our own strengths and are reflective of our true nature.

Take a moment to reflect on how you give your time to others – to your loved ones, at work, in your community. This is your spiritual practice. This is how you embody love.

For the sake of claiming your life, ask yourself: am I giving in ways that feel right to me?  Am I in integrity around what I give or am I simply following a rule that is a habit or is a result of old conditioning? In other words, am I giving from a place of ‘should’ or from a place of peace and lightness?  When we take the time to notice, when we are very much in the spaciousness of the present moment, we get really clear about this.

Joseph Campbell’s often quoted advice, “Follow your bliss” speaks to this reflection. In my view, he is not talking about doing just what feels good. He is talking about checking in with that deeper part of ourselves and following that feeling of spaciousness and peace wherever it leads us, moment by moment, as our lives unfold.

Also, I invite you to reflect upon another important aspect of the gift of time: Do I include myself in the giving? Do I give myself the gift of time? If not, how can I make this happen?

Affirmations:

I notice the freedom that I experience when I give from my true nature. I include myself in this. Sometimes my gifts are accepted, and sometimes they are not.  What is important is my relationship to the giving.

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© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Ownto support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence.When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.


I define an edge as a step that is calling you that’s scary to take. In other words, doing ‘whatever it is’  would be a real stretch for you.  Jumping over that edge would be moving past old conditioning and habits into new territory.

For instance, an edge might be leaving an intimate relationship that hasn’t worked for a long time, and you deeply know it would be best to move on. It might be leaving a career that isn’t enjoyable to you or reflective of your real strengths. It might be taking up something new like painting or public speaking. Or an edge might be allowing yourself to fully open your heart to a new partner after being hurt many times before.

Stop for a moment and reflect.  What is your edge right now?  What are you not doing because of old conditioning and habits?  What would be a real jump for you that is scary AND exciting to even consider?

Give yourself permission to stand up and imagine yourself stepping over that edge.  Now feel what it’s like on the other side where you actually are ‘over the edge’ and in new territory. What do you notice at a body level?  Any images, any metaphor, any thoughts, any body sensations?  Simply notice whatever comes up.

Sit with what you have discovered about yourself.  Be in the silence.  And see what unfolds.

Affirmations:

Life unfolds in surprising and unexpected ways. I am afraid. I trust that I am safe.  I feel both points of view.  When I release the emotional charge of both ends of the spectrum – when either view has no ‘oomph’ – I am free to respond to what my life is asking of me.

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© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Ownto support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence.When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.

All of us know what it’s like to want and even expect to get something from someone else, especially in our intimate relationships. It may be more attention, love, appreciation, acceptance, understanding – the list goes on.

In some way, we want that other person to give us what we didn’t get when we were kids. We’re looking at someone else to fill the gap. And at a deep level, we just want to be unconditionally loved and accepted.

This pattern of wanting and/or expecting to get from someone else leads to control and manipulation – and messy relationships. In trying to get something from someone else or just expecting that they owe us this, we give our power away. We feel angry and frustrated. We get disappointed. We can get demanding and volatile.  And the controlling behaviours that coincide with our wants and expectations show up in as many ways as there are relationships between people.

The reality is that when the personality interacts with another, we can face a different set of values. All personalities have a different style of connecting or communicating. There is judgment. There are different perceptions. There are emotionally triggers that ignite us to react. We either hold back or fight back. As human personalities, it’s very difficult to be unconditionally loving and accepting of each other on all fronts.

Claiming our lives as our own happens when we truly get that no one can truly take care of us other than us. It is our job to stay connected to our true nature from which inner confidence arises.  And in that connection to the spaciousness/stillness/peace/infinity that lives inside of us, love is always present. We are full. We stop seeking for more. We feel free to be ourselves and allow others to be themselves.

Affirmations:

I accept the responsibility of taking care of myself. I realize that this is my job alone. I am aware of the thoughts and judgments that arise when I want to pass the torch to someone else.  It’s a cue for me to connect ever more deeply with my true nature. I take that leap.

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© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Ownto support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.


I had the privilege this week of listening to Kofi Annan, the one-time Secretary-General of the United Nations (1997-2006) address a group of 6000 students at the University of Buffalo.  As a backdrop, it might be helpful to know that this university has one of the highest percentages of international students in the United States. – at least 4000 of the university’s student body. The UB students gathered in this jam-packed auditorium, many from all over the world, having resoundingly requested Kofi Annan to open their Speakers Series.

What I experienced as I listened to Kofi Annan speak in his gentle, quiet manner is that he embodied peace. It was a privilege to be in his presence as I noticed myself and those around me drop deeper into our natural state. The impact of the atmosphere of spaciousness that he created was a room filled with silence, deep listening, and respect.  What he had to say was powerful – and my experience was that his very ‘being’ as he shared his insights was what touched all of us who were there.

There was lots of engagement between Annan and the students through questions and answers, and he received a full-house standing ovation as he ended his time with us.  His core message was one of tolerance.

What I know as a coach is that much of the suffering that occurs internally (in the mind) has to do with resistance – the attempt to ‘try’ to avoid painful feelings, to erase what we define as negative thoughts, to strive to have what we want or think we should have, to judge ourselves and our lives when we’re not getting what we think will bring us a sense of fulfillment.  As we move through our resistance to what is and open ourselves to all of our experiences as human beings (not an easy task but one well worth the journey), the veil of intolerance is lifted that surrounds our hearts.  That opening beyond resistance sets the stage for  true tolerance – of ourselves, of others, of life.  This inner work (our relationship to our personalities and to the Divine within) is a prerequisite for our ability to experience a deeper love, peace and toleration that includes this world.

Being a part of the audience, I had the sense that yes, we are collectively evolving. As a unified field, all is well. We were engaged in conversation about war, climate change, polarization, leadership – highly charged topics. And, yet, there was this sense of all of us being together as one – a unified field. Open. Awake.

It doesn’t mean that we don’t take action.  When we’re awake to truth, the actions come from this place of openness and willingness rather than a fear-based urgency.  One step at a time.  One person at a time.  We take action flowing with the evolution of life.

Affirmations:

I embrace the darkness and the light. I feel fear, doubt and insecurity. I feel happy and confident. Throughout it all, I know who I truly am. I practice the embodiment of peace for the sake of all of us.

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie is deeply committed to sparking each heart to experience an inner confidence – that sense of wholeness, aliveness, and serenity that comes from deeply knowing yourself, fully accepting the lightness and darkness of being human, and living freely as your true self.  She offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your OwnWhen you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization and e-book entitled “Loving Yourself First” to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visitwww.innerconfidencecoaching.com


What drives you?

There are days for all of us when we notice that we are almost obsessively trying to ‘get it’.  This ‘getting’ can pertain to getting the job done, getting why something happened, getting a new concept, getting where we think we should be, getting our dream to happen, getting more….more…more…

You get the idea 🙂 There can be so much to strive to ‘get’  if we choose this direction for our lives.

The key about this is that getting is all about striving. It’s about making something happen, fixing, understanding, seeking. That way of being in the world can be a lot of work. We can find ourselves pushing upstream in the river of life instead of flowing downstream. Getting/striving is a habit that in many ways is built into our culture.

Take a moment to reflect: What do you strive for?  What drives you to ‘get’ something?  What’s that about?  Who in your past is like this?  How much of this striving is simply part of your conditioning?

For instance, a client of mine realized that her drive to get the job done, no matter what, was learned from her father in a way that really didn’t work for her at this time in her life.  She was simply acting from an unconscious place that became a habit a long time ago. With awareness, she realized that she could do it differently – working in a balanced way, asking for help, taking breaks, stopping to breathe – in other words, doing it in her own way, a way that felt right for her now.

When we claim our own lives, we walk a different path from those before us who are part of past conditioning. That path can be different in very subtle, yet powerful ways.  On our path, we listen to our own heart.  We get to know and connect with our true nature. We take the time to notice which thoughts we give our energy to and which thoughts aren’t worthy of our attention.

Affirmations:

Who I am is enough.  What I have is enough.  I take the time to connect with myself in this way.  I am open to the support that will serve me to find my own path of aliveness.

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© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Ownto support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.


Life as Art

A client came to a coaching call filled with the pain of ‘one more thing’ that was not working. It had been a month of difficulties in relationships, work, and health – a very real time of challenge for him.  Disappointment, confusion, and discouragement were present.

Like this person, during the painful times, we may hear ourselves think, “Why does this stuff keep happening to me?  It’s not fair.”  It can be the voice of the child within us from long ago who has been disappointed in some way.  Or it may be the voice that has watched a life unfold differently than what had been dreamed about in much younger days.

Yes, we are responsible for our lives and, sometimes, circumstances happen in ways that we don’t intend or expect. And, we, too, know those feelings of disappointment, confusion, and discouragement. The jewel is to see what is gained from these experiences.

Moving through the resistance so all feelings could be welcomed, he was able to see that the art of love, compassion, and gifting was a direct result of life’s difficult times. Who would he be now without those experiences?  What had he truly gained in order to truly contribute?

I bring this to you:  what have you gained from your experiences?  What is an art form in the arena of life that you’ve nurtured during those times of difficulty?

Affirmations:

I see the beauty and perfection in all of my experiences.  I claim the artist within who reaches out to those around me with my gifts.  And throughout it all, I know, beyond a doubt, that the Stillness that resides in the depths of the ocean far beneath the choppy waves is my true nature that I share with you.

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© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.

The mind can be brilliant – inventing, designing, creating, integrating, synthesizing, memorizing – all of this and more as it deals with the details of modern life.  The paradox is that the mind can also be ‘crazy’.  It feeds us stories and beliefs orginating from old conditioning and habits that are limiting and based on untruths. The mind can stop us from feeling joy – that inner state that is free from external circumstances and is always present when we touch deeply within.

Take a moment to listen to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qe500eIK1oA called “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley.  Part of the lyrics are: “I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind. There was something so pleasant about that place. Even your emotions had an echo In so much space. And when you’re out there without care, …”

Letting go of identifying with the mind and shifting our attention to our true nature brings us to another level of calmness, well-being, and inner peace.

Affirmations:

I open to the peace within me and spend time relishing in it on this lovely summer day.

Anger Rising

Anger is a feeling that is or has been a challenge for most of us to accept and express in healthy ways. Collectively, there seems to be lots of messages that we receive about anger being ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ or ‘wrong’.

The reality is that we all know that acting out anger can cause problems in our relationships. The persecutor within us who feels victimized and wants to blame others can be the driving voice of anger. We’ve been the recipient of anger that has left us feeling bruised, either literally or metaphorically, and/or we’ve been the one who has expressed anger and noticed a relationship dissolve because of it.

Some people even say,  ‘I’m an angry person” or “you’re an angry person”, attaching anger to either their own or someone else’s identity.  In other words, it’s like saying, “This is the box of anger that contains me. I see the world and everything in it through this box”.

We likely also know what it’s like to work hard to suppress anger. Afraid of the consequences. Trying to logically talk ourselves out of feeling anger – doing our best to push it away like a meddlesome relative. Turning away from looking underneath the surface of anger where either fear or hurt can live.

What is different when we give ourselves completely to feeling anger?   What do we notice at a body level when we open our hearts to anger without resistance?  Welcoming it like a lost child coming home…embracing it….entirely feeling the frequency, the vibration, the atmosphere of it? Trusting that it’s just a feeling that is passing through, separate from who we truly are?

Experiment.  The next time anger visits you, focus on your heart. Place your hand there and breathe into and out from the heart. Give yourself permission to truly feel the anger, all of it. It sometimes helps to have a witness support and encourage you in this. Be with the anger completely and simply notice.

Affirmations:

I courageously meet the anger that comes to visit me, and I feel its true power.  Hand on heart, I allow myself to feel the frequency of anger with openness and love.  I listen for the message it gives me.

Please feel free to comment through this blog about the self-discovery that occurs.

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

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If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.

It’s at www.innerconfidencecoaching.com/blog

Look forward to seeing you there!

One of the effects of experiencing inner confidence is faith, which is essentially a trust in life. There’s no dogma attached to this. There is not a set of beliefs that have to be followed.

In this place of trust, we are alert, we listen, and we respond to life.  What is life asking of us in this moment?  Our response in the moment might include action – or not.

A rhythm emerges when we allow life to unfold. There’s a flow. We let go of trying to control it all with our minds.  We move moment to moment, step by step.  The mind steps in to take care of any details – following, following, following.

This way of living is particularly available during difficult times.  A friend of mine who has very, very recently lost her husband/best friend has shared with me that her ability to cope right now is 100% based on staying in the here and now.  Step by step, she is making it through all of the details that need to be handled.  Moment to moment, she is allowing herself to experience her grief when it arises. She is very much alive and in tune.  Present to what is.

Affirmations:

What is my life asking of me in this moment?  I ask myself this powerful question?  I respond – in the moment, step by step.  I have faith that all will unfold without any fixing, striving, pushing, pressuring, or seeking on my part.  I rest in that which is experiencing this moment.

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

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If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.

An old friend of mine shared with me, “I marvel at what my friends teach me”. She wasn’t talking about learning how to garden or dipping into politics at a deeper level. She was addressing the emotional charges, the judgments, the highs and lows of relationships. Instead of making it about her friends, she takes fully accountability for herself.

How does she do that? How does she not blame them for what is happening inside of her?

She uses her judgments and charged feelings as clues to find out more about herself. She takes full responsibility for her learning. Because she doesn’t make herself wrong for having judgments, emotional charges, and highs and lows in her relationships, she is able to simply be with the learning at hand. She is actually in awe of what she learns as the observer within is alive and appreciative of the opportunities to deepen self-awareness. She is a true student of life.

Not all of us have learned to hold this empowering point of view which allows us to take our humanness lightly and, yet, responsibly.  A dose of inspiration is a good thing 🙂

Affirmations:

I appreciate all that life teaches me – through circumstances, through relationships, and through connecting ever deeper with myself.

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

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If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com

When you’re in the process of transition, particularly a major transition, there arises an opportunity to claim your own life at another level. It’s during these times of change that we get to honestly look at all the areas that aren’t working for us. It’s during these times that we get to set new boundaries, put forth with clarity what we want, and accept even more accountability for our life. This requires courage. To have loving, affirming, empowering support during the scary times when we are stepping into the unknown is invaluable.

I’ve noticed in my own life that during challenging times, I had just the right people show up and either reach out to me or I reached out to them because I recognized that I needed what they could give.  That’s the magic of Life/Presence/the Big Love. It simply works that way, especially when we are alert and awake to see and receive what’s there for us.

What level of support do you have?

It can be very difficult to see the big picture of our own life as we live inside the box. Our point of view is narrow. Gathering honest and loving people around us can take us through any challenge.  And the benefits are many.  Support teaches us humility as we receive from others what we aren’t in a place to give to ourselves.  We learn compassion.  And, at best, we pay the gifts that we’ve received forward to others.

Then in the circle of life, all is as it should be.  The dips, the highs, the light, the darkness, the fears, the learning involved in being human – ALL is part of the Big Love.

Affirmations:

I gather around me the support that I need to take the next step into the unknown.  With each step, I receive.  I tap into my courage. I allow my heart to lead the way. I move…forward and forward and forward….with grace and love….one step at a time.

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

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If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.

Through my years as a coach, I’ve heard this phrase voiced many times – “I want to be me!”   This want usually includes – “I want to say no without guilt” and “It’s okay to do what’s right for me”.   On the other side of the coin, there’s a pull to 100% agree with others, avoid confrontation, or do something that isn’t in line with one’s heart.

What is the path to being yourself?  How do you follow your heart instead of what you think you should do?

Firstly, it’s important to stop and get in touch with the heart.  Are you happy?  If not, what is happening that isn’t feeling good to you?  Allowing yourself to feel what’s there without the story is a way to open the heart to the present moment.

And then in the quiet, ask yourself: what is my heart yearning for?  What is it that I truly want? Listening to what is shared – even if you don’t want to hear what is said to you – is the next courageous step.  Taking action is the third whether that be a gentle no to someone who might be disappointed or honestly sharing what’s happening for you to someone you love.

A wonderful voice of the heart is the body which can serve as a compass.  When you have choices to make – a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ – which one energizes you?

Navigating through the window of the heart can be a challenging path in which it really helps to have a witness – a witness to be with you in Presence as you make your way.

Affirmations:

It’s important for me to listen to my own heart. I am worthy of this respect and love.  I stay present to the yes’s and no’s that want to be expressed by my true nature.

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

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If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.

Resistance is a big word that has lots of undercurrents. Resistance impacts the pleasure we get out of life, the peace of mind we experience, the flow and ease of how we move through life’s demands and challenges.  It can stop us from receiving love, reaching success (at least our definition of it), and creating great relationships.

Resistance shows up in everyone’s life.  It’s a human trait. We deal it with others and within our own selves.  If we pay attention, we can become aware of what it feels like in our own body as it shows up there.  We may say yes on the outside while our body is clearly telling us it’s a no.

Resistance blocks the energy of Life. No, we don’t want to feel that particular feeling.  We tell ourselves that particular feeling is negative or use logic to try to talk ourselves out of the reality of what we’re feeling.  We resist (or at least try to as whatever we resist persists) thinking those thoughts.  We resist owning a particular quality within ourselves which we judge as not okay.  We project onto others behaviours or feelings or qualities because we resist claiming them as our own. We resist being vulnerable or open because we just might feel pain.

How do we be with resistance?

Firstly, the key is to notice resistance. Become aware. Be honest.  Secondly, allow yourself to completely feel the resistance – like all feelings, it is important to embrace what’s there.  It might help to say out loud, “I’m resistant” over and over in order to dive into what’s present. Breathing. Relaxing into.  Blessing.

Affirmations:

I take the time to get to know how resistance shows up in my own life. I open to feel the resistance that’s there – with honesty, love and acceptance.  In this act alone, I experience inner confidence.

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

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If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.

‘Trying to control’ our own lives and the lives of those around us, especially those who are close to us, can be a common human trait. We want people to respond to us the way we want. We have expectations about how someone should be, particularly with us. We can get into thinking we’re right or that there is only one way – our way. We think that something must be wrong with us if our lives aren’t going exactly the way we think they should – and then strive or grasp or try to fix what we ‘think’ needs to happen so that we get on track.  

Do any of these points of view sound familiar?  

With age, there can be a shift in trying to control everything. We begin to open to the idea that unnecessary suffering occurs in the mind because we try to control our experiences. When we realize that thoughts and feelings simply appear without effort or a conscious decision, we can relax and let go of control. 

We also realize that we really can’t control external circumstances. Life has its way.  The Law of Attraction has merit, and there are holes in this theory. The reality is that suffering is part of life. Death, sickness, divorce, economic meltdowns, war, climate changes, unemployment , challenging personality traits of those who surround us (at least we think so :)) – these are just some of the many circumstances that come with living on this planet.

A client shared, “I realized that when I let go of control, I actually felt more in control”. Why? She has less emotional charge to what is happening both internally and externally and, therefore, is able to stay present and grounded.

Affirmations:

I let go of control NOW. I relax into knowing that I can’t control my thoughts, my feelings, and my body sensations. I can’t control all that happens in life.  I simply notice.  I allow myself to feel what’s there to feel.  In the allowing, in the letting go of control, I dip into Presence.

 

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com


What is inner certainty?  It is the place of knowing what action is to be taken without question – in other words, without any doubt.  Inner certainty is beyond the mind and often shows up in the body as a relaxed state. When we experience inner certainty, we say that the choice we’re about to make “just feels right”.   

We all have many decisions to make, some more important than others.  Often, we can feel undecided or confused.  We put pressure on ourselves to get it right.  We’re afraid to make a mistake.  Regarding a specific decision that’s up for us, the mind can be filled with various, opposing points of view which can leave us feeling ‘stuck’ and has us stop in our tracks.  Even if we do take action, we’re impulsively acting to avoid the anxiety.

A client of mine has articulated what she has learned about inner certainty.  When there is a decision to be made, and she notices there is a sense of urgency or anxiety attached to an action, she does nothing and simply waits. Only when she arrives at a choice that comes from a place of calmness and “feels right” at a gut level does she move forward into action.  This is using the body as a compass to experience inner certainty.

How do you reach this place of inner certainty?  Allowing each point of view to be heard and challenged is key to moving beyond the mind.  By emptying the mind, we find Stillness – and spaciousness.

What would be different in your life if you experienced inner certainty, particularly around key decisions in your life and in your business?

Affirmations:

I move beyond my conditioning and old habits. I wait.  I listen to the Stillness.  I trust what I find and move forward with inner certainty.

 

 

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com

 

In Arjuna Ardagh’s latest blog at www.arjunaardagh.wordpress.com, he talks about an event – Awakening Coaching that took place at the beginning of June in California – and its impact on all of the participants who came from around the globe to learn how to apply this work into their current coaching practices.  As many of you know who read this blog regularly, I was one of these participants.

In this blog, Arjuna has this to say about awakening:

People want “benefits.”  It is understandable.  We want to see an upgrade on the airline seat, and the stereo and the car and the house  Once we’ve got some of all that, then we want an upgrade on our friends, our relationship, our sex life.  And finally we want to upgrade our thoughts, our feelings, our personalities.  “I want to be a better me!”    We are so busy rushing headlong to a better tomorrow, that we overlook the perfection of today.  That is the multi billion dollar world of self improvement, which thrives on the fact that we feel not enough, that we feel cut off from ourselves and each other and from life itself.  “Like a fish in the water, crying out ‘I’m thirsty, like the son of a rich man, begging door to door…”

Even a small drop of awakening pops the bubble on trying to fix and improve everything.  It opens the door to everyday blessings, and transforms our relationship to life from one of consumption to one of contribution. We discover that just below the veneer of our needs and ambitions there is a magnificent gift wanting to be given, out loud, standing on the table, with the volume cranked.

When you abandon the struggle for more and better and different, and relax into your already vast and limitless presence in this moment,  things evolve and get better and better all on their own.  Relax into yourself, where you need nothing from anyone, and relationships get better.   Relax into the stillness and vastness of your own true nature, and things come to you on their own.  “Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven,” said the Master Jesus, “and all else will be added unto you.”

There are many exercises to deepen the experience of ‘awakening’ and living it as a daily practice which I am excited about passing on as I have a deep, inner certainty about its power.  This work supports people in moving beyond the unnecessary suffering of the mind, and I am already noticing the power of its impact on my clients. 

Affirmations:

I am open to my own true nature and its natural expression.  I am ready to move beyond the over-processing mind.  My deepest longing is to experience Stillness/Love.

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com

 

In today’s world, we are all challenged to consistently open ourselves to learning something new. Life requires this from all of us.  New technology, changing weather, a shifting economy, new careers or the upgrading of current ones, staying healthy, adjusting to the natural transitions of aging – the list of what is there for us to learn and adapt to goes on and on.

As I return from intensive training in California as a coach, I notice that I am in the midst of a high degree of change/learning – albeit learning that I initiated as I saw a need.  I love this stage and realize that what makes it particularly appealing to me is that I see the potential for growth that comes from what I am learning – the real difference it could make in people’s lives, including my own. The stress (even if it’s good stress, it’s still stress) is worth it to me.

There’s another piece here. Learning something new is only one step in the bigger picture. The real challenge is integrating the learning of what is new into life. For instance, I am now integrating this new style of coaching into my work with clients as well as how I lead my own life. If  new learning isn’t applied to life in some concrete way (even if what you learned is a way to simply add fun to your life), learning for its own sake can become just a way to pass the time.

The other element to learning that makes it wonderful is that the very process of learning something new has the potential to be challenging and stimulating.  For instance, I notice that I need to be very alert and present in order to powerfully apply what I learned while away to each coaching session. In this place, I feel very alive.  

What helps us to embrace learning?  Seeing its value. Really getting that we are essentially at choice – always.  Practically integrating what we are learning into our daily lives so a difference is made to the quality of our life and, therefore, and the lives of those around us.  Noticing and appreciating the aliveness that comes from opening ourselves up to learning and applying something new.

Affirmations:

I see myself as the chooser, as the creator. I allow myself to feel any resistance to learning. I notice any points of view that stop me from learning.  In the feeling what is there to feel, in the noticing of the thoughts of the mind, in the awareness of the sensations in the body, I am present and open to learn.

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com


I will not be coaching or writing until June 16th as I will be away at a retreat with Arjuna Ardagh, the author of “The Translucent Revolution” (plus many other books), to explore awakening – both the living and coaching of this state of being.  

I am open and very much looking forward to the changes that will come from this focussed and powerful training. Typically, we think of change as related to outer circumstances.  This time with Arjuna, immersed in the work of awakening, is about change on the inside to be radiated outward in ways that will unfold with time.

In this complex world, we are required to make many outer changes. The ability to flow with change, to embrace change, is very valuable.  A way to support us in accepting change is to touch a deep part of ourselves that is infinitely constant – and then find ways to open that portal into our core often so it becomes a practice and the foundation for our Life.  The stillness beneath the turbulent waters of change is there for us as a place of love and refuge.

Affirmations:

I invest in getting and staying connected to my core.  Through this practice, I am able to navigate my way through change with grace. I trust Life.

 

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com

 

A client asked out loud a question that many have thought on the inside.  Is it just me?  Why am I so sensitive? Why do I have so much mind chatter?  Why are my feelings so on the surface?  Is everyone like that?

My thoughts – yes, they are – within a range. Everyone has a mind filled with concepts that are limiting and that trigger feelings.  And there are people who choose to keep their inner cave dark and closed or at least parts of it – NOT wanting to poke around and find out what’s really there.  

There can be a consequence to this.  Feelings or thoughts that are pushed down and kept in the dark can seep through the cracks (staying with the imagery of a cave) in a myriad of twisted ways like addictions, passive aggressiveness, and self-destructive or destructive behaviours.  We only have to look at priests who are pedophiles, politicians who do the very thing they fight against, and the list goes on as we watch the news.  What we see is ‘ shadow’ – that which is disowned, denied and projected – out there – with the goal of keeping the cave door tightly shut. 

It takes courage to open that cave door and shine a light on what is truly happening deep inside. Feeling what’s there to feel as resistance only makes it stronger. Exploring. Releasing. One concept at at time to be tenderly explored and neutralized.  It’s a lifetime process.

It doesn’t mean that we reach the place where we have no thoughts, no feelings, no unwanted body tension or pain.  We’re human.  It just means we are able to observe, love, and accept our humanness at deeper and deeper levels.  We learn compassion. We experience Presence.  We live with sobriety around what’s real instead of what is simply a story.  We show up as our true selves instead of an image of what our minds tell us we ‘should’ be like.  We fully engage with our lives.

For me, it’s all worth it.  For this client and many, many more, it’s worth it. Why? I ask – why wouldn’t it be?

Affirmations:

I embrace Life – the darkness and the light.  It is all One.  I walk with the Divine.

 

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com

 

 

We are all required to make decisions in our lives – a lot. There are decisions to make that are a part of daily living – like what food to eat, entertainment to choose, book to buy, restaurant to dine at, issue to raise with someone close – the list goes on and on. There are BIG decisions around our careers, our intimate relationships/marriage, and our health.  As leaders in the context of our families or businesses, there are a myriad of important decisions to make that potentially impact many.

How do you make decisions?  What do you notice about your own process to decide?

For many, logic, emotions or a mixture of both drive what decision we make.  There is some variability in this, depending on the nature of the decision.  Our emotions likely don’t decide if, for instance, we’re going to invest in a certain stock – or not.

I’ve talked previously about using the body as a compass – the body that lives in the present and NOT in the past or future so is unencumbered by the boxes into which our minds can lock us. The increase or decrease of energy gives us additional information which might be very helpful to us. 

There are times when a decision is required, and we’re really not sure what to do. We have the data from our logical minds, our wisdom/experience, our emotions, our bodies.  Yet, there is more that is needed as a sense of doubt is present.

It is these times when spending time alone and in silence helps us to get in touch with our deeper knowing – that which is beyond our mind, emotions, and body sensations.  

Affirmations:

I take the time to be in silence. I listen. I wait…and wait…and wait until I know beyond a doubt. This is in integrity. This is what I will do.

 

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com


There’s power in taking a stand.  For example, a client of mind has taken a stand for acceptance. When she notices people judging themselves harshly, she challenges them.  She also challenges herself.  

The impact of this choice to take a stand in this way is that she is tolerant of others and herself at a whole new level.  She’s feeling happy.  She has energy to get things done.  She has stopped “sweating the small stuff”.  Instead of feeling irritated with someone’s behavour, she simply listens…forgives…accepts…and challenges them to do the same with themselves.  Gentleness, tenderness, acceptance – all are the order of the day.  She feels FREE.

What would you like to take a stand for?  What is important to you?  You might look to take a stand in an area that you notice gets in people’s way.  Chances are that the behaviour is present in you as well.

Affirmations:  I reflect on what’s important to me – that ‘something’ that I believe would increase the presence of love.  I am grateful as this stand that I take impacts my world and the world of those around me.

 

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com

 

Being in nature – truly being present in nature – nourishes the soul.  When we are open to receiving the beauty of nature that encompasses everything, both dark and light, we feel at One.  It is then we know who we truly are; it is then we know the deepest part of ourselves.

The paradox is that our experience of Oneness supports us in claiming our lives as our own. It is in our connection to our core that we are less inclined to please, adapt, suppress our feelings, or be on automatic pilot ‘trying’ to get our needs met.  We are less inclined to be confused about the stand we will take.  We are less inclined to try to control our circumstances or feel dissatisfied with our imperfect selves.  We are less inclined to compare ourselves to others and feel that we are not enough.

When we experience our core that is here for us in each present moment, we are aware of our body and its messages to us.  We are clear on the next step, trusting that the next one after that will emerge when we get there.  We listen to our hearts.  We allow the expression of our true selves to unfold, even when we are going in the opposite direction of everyone around us.  We simply know. We simply be – ourselves.  That’s claiming our lives as our own.

Affirmations:    

I spend time in nature. I find the ways that nourish my connection to my true self.

 

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com

 

For many whose work it is to fully claim our lives as our own, who have a tendency to lose ourselves when relating to others, it is valuable to give our attention to deeply knowing ourselves.

Nicole S. Urdang, a cognitive therapist, wrote about a wonderful metaphor which I will play with in my own way for you to more deeply know the truth about yourself.

As humans, we can place our attention on what we’re not doing that we ‘should’ be doing, our weaknesses, our limitations, what needs to change or be ‘fixed’, how we can do something better or how we can ‘be’ a better person.  In other words, we focus on what’s wrong with us instead of who we truly are. The foundational belief is “I’m not good enough”, a belief that is common and encouraged by our culture in many ways.  

Simply notice what floats to the surface as you read the following metaphor:  Imagine a beautiful container – intricate, lovingly-made, prized.  Allow your imagination to create your own container whether it be a bowl or basket or whatever else that floats to the surface. Within this container are fruit at various stages of being ripe – perfectly-formed and ready-to-eat pears, a brownish banana, grapes that are starting to shrivel, a lovely orange, a moldy apricot.  You get the picture, and it’s important to notice what you primarily see. Where do you naturally place your focus?  If you were this image, what are you – the container or the fruit?  

We can miss who we truly are.  We think we’re the fruit/behaviours instead of the beautiful and intricate container. With the second identification, we get that we are much, much more than how we behave, our specific skill set, our roles, our strengths and our limitations.

When we see ourselves as the container, we know that we have choice of putting our behaviours out to compost (notice there’s no judgment here as compost is useful and part of life).  We’re less attached to how we express ourselves and more deeply grounded in accepting ourselves.  We see who we truly are.

Affirmations:

I begin each day reminding myself who I truly am -separate from the actions, feelings, body sensations and thoughts that come and go in my life.  Who am I…really?  It’s a question that I explore so that I can be grounded in self-acceptance, a significant component of inner confidence.

 

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in your journey. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com

 

When you hear the words “the same old over and over” or “Here we go again”, what do you think of?  Is it an old habit that you don’t like?  Over and over feelings that cause pain?  A part of your life that you wish would change?  A dynamic in a relationship that you want to go away? Or does your mind go to blessings in your life that you really appreciate?  Simply notice.

As a coach, I hear all sides of life – the habits that don’t work, the painful feelings, the ups and downs of relationships, circumstances that are wished to be different, and what feels wonderful. There is no right or wrong in all of this – it’s life.  Our experiences support us in growth and expansion – whatever those experiences look or feel like.

The words in this blog’s title(s) typically lead our thoughts to what isn’t working for us (in our view).  Everyone has a pattern that gets triggered by different scenarios and is essentially the same old story.  And as humans, it’s what we perceive as problems that usually encourage us to explore our deepest learning.

What is the learning for you in your ‘over and over’?  What is your story that shows up a little differently each time AND not that different when it comes right down to it?  It’s usually one that is based on early conditioning and/or trauma and reappears again and again.  Some typical ones are – I am unloveable, I am not important, something is wrong with me, I am not good enough…

It’s important to know your ‘over and over’ story and to question its truth. Freedom is on the other side.

Affirmations:

I pay attention to the ‘over and over’s’ in my life.  “Here we go again’ teaches me about myself and what is here for me to learn.  I explore – I accept – I feel the resistance to feel – I feel without the story – and my body lets go.  If I need to, I choose a witness who will lead me through this process so I understand it deep in my bones.  I give myself the gift of freedom to respond rather than react to all that occurs in my life.  I write new stories.

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Claiming Your Life as Your Own: knowing, loving and being yourself. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in your journey. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com

 

 

“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to be one’s own self”  — Montaigne

When you know and accept yourself and are deeply connected to your core, you find ways to express who you naturally are in the world.  For some, this expression is less of a focus on a career and more about what happens after work hours. For others, the expression of their strengths that they’ve embraced and fostered everywhere they go and in all that they do. It’s just the way it is.

If you are in a career that doesn’t feel like you’re expressing your true self, what is the price that you are paying?  Do you have an outlet where you can truly be yourself?  Is that working for you?  How important is it that you own, develop and express your gifts?

It takes time to make a transition from one career to the next – one that is a more natural expression of your strengths. This is a journey that cannot be rushed or forced.  In my own experience – both personally and professionally – there is a preparation time and a plan that needs to be developed and gradually implemented.  Mind, body and spirit need to be in alignment with a new path that is calling you.

When the timing is right, your life, then lines up in synchronistic ways.  There’s a bigger picture which we don’t see. We just have to trust our hearts, go step by step, and be alert to the opportunities that present themselves.  Our hearts will know what to do.  We will feel the pull and experience an inner knowing that will have us say, “yes, I choose this” one choice at a time.

Affirmations:

I let go. I pay attention to knowing myself, accepting myself, being myself.  I deepen my awareness of what I have to contribute and why I want to contribute it.  The how’s find their way to me.

 

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Claiming Your Life as Your Own: knowing, loving and being yourself. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in your journey. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com

 

All who come to me as clients go through a process that has them clearly identify their intentions – qualities that their heart wants to deeply experience.  A client and I were reviewing her intention of fearless intimacy that she set for herself in 2007 when she left a long term relationship and began the process of consciously claiming her own life.

So much has happened since then.  She has moved on to confidently enter a new relationship in which she practices fearless intimacy – a practice that has no end point, only ever-deepening layers.

What is fearless intimacy?  For her, it means the vulnerability and strength that comes from letting go.  To be seen as she is, to be with someone else as they are, and to stay connected to her heart throughout it all.  Sometimes her heart is open; sometimes it is not.  That’s the nature of being human.  The key is that she notices and accepts the ebb and flow of intimacy.

Affirmations:

I practice intimacy and notice when it’s fearless as well as filled with fear.  I allow myself to feel both – deeply, intimately, fully.  In that moment, I am intimate with myself.

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Claiming Your Life as Your Own: knowing, loving and being yourself. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in your journey. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com

 

What do I mean by processing?  Evaluating, judging, blaming, worrying, ‘trying hard’ to think one’s way out of a problem, focussing on every detail – all are ways that, as humans, we can process.

Processing – a lot – can  become a habit of the mind that drains our energy.  It takes us away from the present as well as our creative selves.  Our happiness suffers as well as our peace of mind when stories (assumptions) are made up.  We focus less on what’s real and more on illusions.

How do we take a pause from this habit that’s part of the inner chatter of the monkey mind? In coaching, we call this kind of chatter –  The Gremlin.  

1. We breathe.

2. We notice our surroundings and get in touch with our senses to bring us back into the present moment.

3. We notice our thoughts and write them down if it is helpful.  Then we ask ourselves – is it true?

4.  We rest into Awareness which opens us up to trusting life.

Affirmations:

Whatever is happening is perfect.  All will unfold.  I will know what to do – step by step.

 

 

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Claiming Your Life as Your Own: knowing, loving and being yourself. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in your journey. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com

Life brings with it moments that are difficult to be with – it’s the same for all of us. How do we be with those difficult moments with grace?  What is asked of us – called forth within us – in those moments?

What I have noticed is that part of the challenge in being with difficulties is our resistance and struggle with what is.  We can feel anxious, alone, disconnected from ourselves , stuck, that something is missing – all painful emotions to experience.  All part of life.  And, yet, we want to avoid these emotions – run, deny, disown, numb out – what is, usually through endless activity.

Arjuna Ardagh in “The Translucent Revolution” talks about the “Iago Trance”.  He writes that Iago, a character in Shakespeare’s play, “Othello”, is “a state of mind; he can’t be seen, he lives in the shadows. Yes his influence is found everywhere.”  He goes on to describe that it’s the voice of collective conditioning – “problem-based living” that is all about struggle.

When we stop and inquire – who am I…really? – we experience the part of us that observes, that feels connected to spirit, that has access to deep wisdom and truth. How do we stay connected to our spirit, to Presence, so that in the midst of whatever is happening out there that we are reacting to, we are able to trust and surrender to what is?   How do we stay in touch with this place of deep connection to ourselves where we know that we are loved and supported and feel grateful?

That is the true challenge.  The first step is being aware of our deepest yearning.  Today take the time to ask yourself – what is your deepest yearning?  What is not being met in your life that you want more than anything else?

Affirmations:

In the midst of difficult moments, I open to experiencing the benevolent energy around me that deeply loves and supports me. I surrender.  I trust.  I am grateful.

 

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Claiming Your Life as Your Own: knowing, loving and being yourself. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in your journey. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com

 

Heart Fullness

What does your heart yearn for? Go to a quiet place within yourself and keep asking this powerful question. What do you discover?

For many, the answer that floats to the surface is all about love. A deep yearning for love.

And does the following fit you?  Yearning for love and looking to find it out there – somewhere. Seeking. Working hard to be ‘good enough’ to receive love. Pleasing. Trying hard. Giving until depleted. Taking care of until resentment creeps up. Taking 150% responsibility in relationships. Striving.Pushing. Manufacturing. Pressuring.

So much inner confidence can be dripped away from our hearts when we look and look for love – out there.  Even when and, sometimes particularly when, we’re with those who are closest to us in our lives.

What would be different if we released the charge of  two opposite beliefs: “No one loves me” and “They love me”?   What would it be like to land in the present – even just for moments at a time without searching, grasping, pressuring, pushing – all for the sake of finding love?

In the present, love is there – vibrating, expanding, permeating, filling, relaxing into, resting – through the heart.  The veils drop away. 

Affirmations:

It is safe to let go of the yearning and to truly find what I am looking for.  Love is all around and within me.  My heart is full.  I know true inner confidence.

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Claiming Your Life as Your Own: knowing, loving and being yourself. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in your journey. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com

A Fresh Start

As the sunshine and warmth of spring enters our world, we experience a breath of fresh air. From this place, we’re often inspired by possibilities – the opportunity to start fresh in some way.  

What I notice is clients are coming to me with renewed purpose, neighbors are outside cleaning away the remnants of winter and planting their bulbs, friends are reconnecting.  It’s a time of creativity and reaching out. 

What is yearning to be born in you?  What are you inspired to do?  

Take a moment to pause and close your eyes.  Through your breath, drop down into the stillness of the present moment and be with these questions.  Listen to whatever comes to the surface either now or throughout your day.  There is no need to force or push for an answer – it will come in its own way and time.

When an answer emerges that feels right to you, one that increases your energy, simply ‘be’ with this as well.  Again without the energies of pushing and striving or trying to manufacture what you should do about these answers, rest into what you discovered.  Be alert to what naturally comes forward as the next step.  You will have an inner knowing, and your actions will come from an authentic place.

Affirmations: 

I spend time in the Stillness of who I am…really.  I listen. I trust.  

 

 

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Claiming Your Life as Your Own: knowing, loving and being yourself. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in your journey. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com


David and I gather both of our families together each year to celebrate Easter/Spring.  It ends up being quite the crowd for a sit-down meal of ham and stuffed turkey and everything else that goes along with it.  

It’s so much fun to have everyone at our home, and we choose to continue doing this for as many years that we can. We love giving back to our generous families in this way and really put our hearts into making it special for everyone.  

And…I notice that with anything in life, it comes with its challenges. A lot of work is involved to prepare the house and food as well as to be ‘in-the-moment’ attentive to the needs of approximately twenty guests. To put it simply, we were on the move for three and a half days.  After the final clean-up, we gave ourselves the luxury of doing absolutely nothing for the rest of the day – we were that tired.

How does what I have shared fit with ‘inner confidence’ and ‘claiming your life as your own’? Firstly, this is all about choice for us – we want to do this. There is no part in any of it that comes from a ‘should’ place. Giving in this way is in line with our values so any price tag that comes with it is worth it.

Secondly, I realized that I was stressed by the 3rd day when old conditioning/stories showed up in my mind, and I had less access to the Observer who simply notices. What is my learning in this? How do I pace myself while living my values? Trusting that all will get done, breathing, stopping to relax – all those practices and more help me get back on track and connected to my core. When I’m coming from that place, ease occurs.  

I got to experience contrast this year with a clear intention that next Easter will be all about giving AND pacing.

Affirmations:

I accept all the parts of myself – embracing each quality’s lightness and darkness.  I appreciate the learning that’s there for me.  All is well.

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

________________________________________

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Claiming Your Life as Your Own: knowing, loving and being yourself. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in your journey. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com

Carl Jung wrote: “There is no coming to consciousness without pain”.

When we can’t sit still and simply ‘be’ and instead follow the urge to stay busy, we may be avoiding /resisting our feelings.  It’s human to NOT want to feel pain.  And it can be destructive. Addictions arise from our resistance. Stress. Numbness. Loss of vitality. Ill health. The list goes on.

What makes the difference?  What helps us say yes to where we’re at in an honest, open way?  

Firstly, it’s setting the intention to be with whatever arises as we tune in and notice. This is different than acting out feelings in destructive ways.  Secondly, there are skills to develop that support us in being with ‘what is’ in a graceful way that promotes wholeness.  

It’s a lifetime practice to foster and nurture our ability to truly feel.  It’s a practice to be aware of our body’s sensations, which accompany our feelings.  It is this consciousness that enables us to navigate through the pain and challenges of life and be present to the joy.

Pausing.  Separating the story from the feeling.  Allowing ourselves to experience the energy of whatever feeling that is present. Deeply knowing any painful feeling is simply turbulence that has come to visit for awhile and will pass.  

To take the time and energy to learn, to receive the needed support, to invest in ourselves – all this and more are gifts that we give ourselves on our path toward Consciousness.

Affirmations:

Navigating the pain-body until I reach the other side is a skill that is worth fostering. Life offers so much – I am ready to experience it all.

It’s especially important during chaotic, busy and stressful times to have an inner refuge which is a source of happiness.  Knowing that you can find a refuge – a safe, inner sanctuary where you feel nourished – is the first step.  Discovering what is your refuge is the next.

Pause.  Take a moment to gently close your eyes.  Ask yourself: What gives me refuge? What supports a felt sense of feeling safe inside myself?  

For some of you, it may be your faith; for others, it may be a meditation practice, the experience of nature, a routine or ritual that feels really good, or taking the time to reflect on happy memories.

My refuge is a source of happiness for me that is separate from any outer circumstances. It’s during the quiet, ‘simply being’ times that I connect to myself in ways that are loving, compassionate and accepting. I get in touch with who I really am.

My invitation is to take the time to find your refuge, your inner sanctuary, to support you in feeling an inner confidence that takes you through the ups and downs of life.

Affirmations:

I look to my inner world and find my refuge. I am safe. I am nourished. All is well.

Feelings…

Sharing our feelings can build intimacy, particularly when women share with other women. I believe that there is the possibility of over-sharing, resulting in relationships becoming about work instead of fun. There is a delicate balance where no one rule fits all of our relationships.

Having said that, it is key that we do consistently open ourselves to our own feelings – the full range of joy and suffering. Listening with a compassionate heart to the inner, vulnerable voice and noticing the accompanying sensations in our body makes all the difference in our ability to feel truly alive.  

The practice of experiencing what emerges in each moment encourages us to soften, release the past, and breathe in life at a deeper level.

Affirmations:

I open myself to experiencing all of my feelings by pausing, noticing them at a body, ‘sensate’ level and being present to what is. I celebrate Life.

The circle of friends and family that you surround yourself with makes a significant difference in the quality of your life.  For an introvert, this may look like a few good, solid friendships and, for an extrovert, the circle might be significantly larger.  

The size of your relationship circle isn’t what’s important. What is important is that YOU are at the center of your circle – your relationship with yourself, a Higher Power and Nature.

The other key is that you see your relationships as a composite so that your focus is not just on one person. For example, a mate will not give you everything that you need in terms of support. Nor will one friend. 

For me, I notice that some friends bring a deep sense of experience and wisdom while others share a common interest (like delving into new avenues for personal growth). There are friends with whom I enjoy a lot of fun and laughter.  With others, there is a long history of friendship and a deep knowing of one another and how far we’ve come.

What can happen when you set up your support system based on one person is that expectations and control issues might emerge. In other words, you may become needy with that person and let go of being the boss of yourself. This may be particularly true with your significant other.

What I notice is that the fullness of my heart coincides with my appreciation of the composite of ALL of what my relationships bring. The richness – and freedom – of life comes from allowing all of the people in my circle to touch my heart.

Affirmations:

I embrace all of my friends and family members who are part of my relationship circle.  I know that each individual brings to me something different, and I to them.  It’s the composite of it all that creates a full life. And for that I am deeply grateful.

Friends and Lovers

The older I get, the more deeply I appreciate that wonderful balance of having friends along with a ‘significant other’.  Even though it can be a challenge at times due to home, work and family commitments, it’s vital to a sense of wholeness.

For me, I notice that female friends offer a level of connection that is so different from what I have with my life mate. Not better.  Just different. That difference is what adds richness to my life.  The sharing, support, like-mindedness, truth-telling, camaraderie (all that and more) supports me in staying in touch with myself and nourishes my soul.  

I’ve challenged clients who have rules that when they’re in a romantic relationship, the relationship comes before all other relationships. Is that helpful?  What would it be like to let go of that ‘rule’ or old pattern and include all relationships in your circle of support and love?  How might that deepen your ability to take responsibility for your life?  

After those special times with my own company and that of close friends, I am able to be there for my life partner without any expectations. I meet him with a full plate, so to speak. I can then fully appreciate what he has to offer my life – a male perspective that can expand my world, the pleasure that he gets from giving to me, the artisanship that combines with my skills to create a home, the very practical input that handles the many details that aren’t my ‘cup of tea’, and the romance – can’t forget that!

Affirmations:

I open myself to ALL who are in my circle of love. I honour the particular flow of each flavour of what that love looks like.  I am blessed and appreciate it all.

As an inner confidence coach, I often hear clients voice frustration about their feelings of insecurity. The inner critic is angry that they’re even feeling insecure – that they can’t get rid of that old feeling which follows them places where they don’t want it to go.

I understand.  I, too, know about insecurity.  And what I’ve learned through my years of working with many, many people in the education and counselling fields is that it is natural and human to feel insecure. Everyone does – at times and usually in certain areas. Some people are just better at hiding it, even from themselves. It can be easier to deny or blame rather than deeply look inside, feel the pain of insecurity and learn about dealing with it.  

There is no judgment in this. Not everyone’s journey is to place a conscious focus on personal growth. Everyone’s mind is busy – for some, their attention is on details, figuring out the how-to in completing a project, continual to-do lists or the media. For people who lead with their feelings and intuition, the inner chatter can often focus on self-judgment due to high expectations born from past conditioning and outdated beliefs.

How do you deal with insecurity?  

  • Know that it’s an energy that’s visiting you for a time. It isn’t who you truly are.
  • Avoid using ‘my’ in front of security to support you in not taking it personally.
  • Thank the insecurity for bringing to your attention another opportunity to embrace yourself with understanding and compassion. That in itself is healing. 
  • The vulnerable, ‘inner’ child that is within all of us needs to feel heard and loved.
  • When the feeling comes, take the time to reflect on what story you’re telling yourself.  Is it true?  What is a belief that needs to be challenged? 

Affirmations:

I am aware of my breath and rest in the present moment. I open my heart to all of my feelings and experiences.

When life gets chaotic and old behavioural patterns show up as a result, a dose of self-nourishment is particualrly essential. It is powerful to know what nourishes us so we can take responsibility for doing that on a daily basis. The powerful practice of self-nourishment helps us deal with the really stressful times at a responsive rather than a reactive level.

On that note, what nourishes you?  My invitation is for you to pause, gently close your eyes and become aware of your breath. Ask yourself that powerful question again. Listen. The answer will emerge with an accompanying sensation in your body that feels relaxing and expansive. Your body knows.

For me, I am nourished by a walk in nature, an afternoon nap, the awareness of Love, the joy exuded by my beloved dogs, a loving touch, inspirational reading, the powerful energy of a sacred space, silence, ‘simply being’ time, yoga and a healthy, delicious meal. I notice that an inner smile emerges as I write each of these, and I know there’s more.  All are enjoyed in present time which makes all the difference.

Again, what nourishes you?  What brings that smile to your inner being?  Feel it in your body and celebrate knowing yourself in this very loving, compassionate way.  What do you need to do to make room for more of ‘this’ in your life?

Affirmations:

I take the time for myself to do what brings me a sense of aliveness and joy.  I am worthy.

Love and Power

As a naturally giving person, you likely really understand how good it feels to love. In fact, love and connection is likely one of your top values.  

A feeling of disconnection (opposite to that loving, open-hearted place) can come from feelings of hurt, anger, frustration and/or resentment due to a relationship glitch. When we react to a dynamic or series of dynamics, we usually don’t feel connected to that person in our life at least for the time being. This can be a painful place – a place where we give away our power.

When we feel disconnected from someone else, we are in truth disconnected from our core where love resides. The challenge is to allow ourselves to feel the energetic feeling that comes our way without taking it personally. To keep our hearts open through it all is key.  Embracing and feeling what’s there at a body level allows us to stay connected to ourselves. Even though our own behaviour and the behaviour of those around us may not appear loving, deeply knowing that all unloving behaviours are rooted in confusion helps us stay open and connected.

Affirmations:

I own my power – the power of love. I live and express love, particularly for myself, no matter what. I keep my heart open and free.

Powerful Times…

I love to write. For me, time passes very, very quickly as I focus in on what I want to express. Other than a main topic, I don’t plan ahead of time what I will write. I just sit and wait, letting my thoughts unfold.  When I take the time to do what I love, like writing, I find that I connect with myself. I get in touch with my creative, intuitive side which is grounding for me.

What is it that you love to do?  What’s different for you when you make the time to do what you love?  What gets in the way?

For myself, these last few weeks I have not been as committed as I like to be to my writing. Instead I notice that I’ve been focussed on the roller coaster ride of the U.S. Presidential election – reading, watching and discussing while learning about the candidates, their impact, and myself. What’s important to me?  Where is my own shadow in them?  What is my philosophy, my values, my stand in life?  

I see that many clients are bringing the election to their coaching calls – leaving behind some of what they love to do and taking the time to focus on the hope that this election calls forth. Clients are inspired by Obama’s leadership – whether they will vote for him or not; whether they’re American or not. His integrity, calmness, steadiness, stand for unity – the list goes on as strong and positive role models are rare. It’s compelling to watch someone express their natural gifts, invest time and energy in developing them, and then share them from a place of service.  He exudes confidence. What a powerful and positive impact he is having on the world by being himself.

Sometimes it’s okay to leave behind what we love for a time. To follow our curiosity, our hearts, our values. To learn more about ourselves and our world. To return to our work with something new in our hearts.

Affirmations:

I open myself to inspiration. I trust that when I return to what is mine to express, another level of who I am will comes forward. I trust in goodness and Divine Love. I trust myself.

Like Caroline Myss who coined the term as far as I know, I believe that woundology can thwart our change process. What is woundology?  It’s about having our wounds – our history as a child or any traumatic event or illness since – be such a focus in our lives that it becomes part of our identity.  We talk about it to others, spend a lot of time trying to fix it, and create a social life around it by participating in groups with people who share a common wound. 

To clarify, receiving support from people who have had similar experiences can be helpful as we can learn about ourselves, gain insights, develop new resources and tools, and receive compassion.  Using a wound as a portal to learning and growing or as inspiration for giving to others are also healthy ways to integrate our past suffering.  Woundology gains ground when the person’s story or wound continues to be their focus long after it’s helpful. 

For instance, a client who had repeated to anyone who would listen that he was an alcoholic was challenged by me to let go of using that label. Yes, alcohol was toxic to him, and it was time for him to stop identifying himself in this way. He was someone who had not used alcohol or drugs for over twenty years.  It was time for him to see himself as primarily someone who is creative, resourceful and whole instead of an old identity that focussed on his wound. The old label kept him in the past and took away his power when, in fact, he had integrated sobriety at every level.  He was honest about himself, took responsibility for his life, and accepted and explored all of his feelings.  He later reported that his decision to let go of the identity of ‘alcoholic’ had a major impact on how he saw himself, encouraging him to even more deeply claim his wholeness and well-being.

What I know is that when clients let go of a self-label, in other words, stop using the word “my” in front of any feeling, trauma or sickness, change happens.  They are ready to live in a new perspective rather than through the eyes of their wound.  A sense of confidence and wholeness grows.

Affirmations:

I see myself as creative, resourceful and whole. It is safe for me to release the old. I focus on my strengths, what is right in my life, and what I can create for myself and others.

Self-doubt rears its head within all of us.  For different reasons.  At different times in our lives.  For some, it can be a habit – old conditioning which was learned when young.  For others, self-doubt grew over time as a result of painful experiences.

Being at peace with our decisions feels good; feeling doubtful can be very uncomfortable and unsettling. Trying to avoid self-doubt or making ourselves wrong for feeling that way doesn’t really work. 

What’s a loving way of being with ourselves when we’re feeling doubtful?  For instance, it’s helpful to get curious and notice the patterns of doubt in our lives – how it shows up, when, what are the over-and-over themes, and what are the typical triggers and reactions.  The more aware we are, the more we are able to tap into our Wise Observer – simply noticing what our mind is saying without trying to fix.

For me, doubt appears when I reach a degree of dissatisfaction. Somehow something isn’t working according to my expectations or wants. I start to question my choices – my inner authority. The ‘should’ word comes up and then I’m on a roll, unless I stop and notice.  Breathe.  I then ask myself: What is the story that I’m telling myself?  What do I really know?  What is the Big Picture here? 

Sometimes, I notice and allow myself to feel that dissatisfaction and get curious about where it shows up at a body level.  Again, without a story attached to it.  I may ask myself if there is a message here for me.  I take the time to quiet my mind, get into my center, and listen.

Feeling self-doubt is part of being human.  It can serve us – in knowing and accepting ourselves, in providing new opportunities to learn, and in deeply listening to our true wants and needs.

Affirmations:

When doubt comes to visit me, I welcome it.  Without taking it personally, I get curious.  I explore its message. I thank it for giving me the opportunity to learn about myself and to compassionately accept myself at ever deeper levels.

Are you a person who has specific criteria that need to be in place before you allow yourself to feel happy? When you aren’t meeting the criteria that you’ve set, do you feel dissatisfied, resentful and filled with self-doubt?  

You may already have experienced what you wanted in the past – a home that you loved, a solid career, a sense of feeling fit and sure of yourself because of what you achieved.  And through life experiences like a divorce, the loss of a job and the natural changes that happen as you age, you are in a different position now.  

You want those circumstances back.  You try hard to make this happen by following the Law of Attraction principles that you read about in The Secret the best way you know how. And it’s so frustrating that it isn’t working for you.

As a coach, I’ve often witnessed this frustration which creates mental suffering. This suffering is based on the belief that real happiness comes from external circumstances.  There is a belief that there are set ‘rules’ to follow and then everything that we want and desire will come.  There can be a belief that there is someone out there, like God, who is doling out rewards and punishments according to how ‘good’ you are or how dedicated you are to your personal growth.  When entrenched in these beliefs, we live expecting….feeling entitled…focussing on the future….trying hard to get it right so we get what we want…giving our power away.  

There isn’t any of us who don’t identify with this thinking to some degree.  We’re all products of our conditioning.  We have grown up in a consumer society with right/wrong thinking and pressures to succeed.  We’re human.

What’s the truth?  What changes when we deeply understand that life includes suffering?  What is different in our level of contentment when we get that our happiness comes from living in the present and feeling appreciation for all that comes our way?  What lightens for us when we accept that adversity is an opportunity to learn?  What supports us to grow and stop us from judging our circumstances and ourselves?

There is so much richness is being with what is and looking for what is right in our lives.  Feeling a sense of contentment and inner peace is priceless.  I am privileged to coach rich people as well as people who are working hard to pay all the bills.  What I see from my vantage point is that outer circumstances like money mean nothing in terms of happiness. It’s all perception. Our internal reality decides if we are rich or poor.

Affirmations: 

I trust that what I am experiencing is what I am supposed to be experiencing. I embrace and accept who I am and what I feel in this moment unconditionally. All is well. My life is unfolding as I incline my mind to love and appreciation and follow my heart day to day.

Our Inner Kid

Over and over as I am working with a client, whether female or male, I see the value in supporting and encouraging a connection with her or his ‘inner’ child.  It’s part of the journey toward self-responsibility – toward fully claiming our lives.  

What do I mean by ‘inner child’?  It’s the part of us who never really grows up.  It’s where our playfulness,spontaneity, enthusiasm and creativity lie as well as our unresolved feelings from earlier times.

When we truly listen to the kid, the child within which I assert is closest to our spirit, we ‘get’ the impact of our experiences and touch that vulnerable, open and real self. We’re given the opportunity to be there for our wounds with love, acceptance and compassion.  

Our ability to feel happiness grows in proportion to our willingness to recognize and allow the full range of feelings – particularly our pain. When we deeply listen to our sadness and hurts and disappointments, our inner core has the opportunity to feel loved and, therefore, content. 

Try this experiment. Take a moment. Through your breath, enter a silent place within you. Imagine your child – whatever age that floats to the surface – be in front of you. What is s/he feeling? What does s/he want to communicate with you? Be in the silence and listen with trust to what emerges. What does s/he need from you?  

Feed back to her or him what has been said and let that part know you are committed to being there. Notice the impact on your body. Appreciate this gateway to love and contentment.

Affirmations:

I open to deeply listening to myself.  I am my own caretaker, and I do so with love and joy.  I am happy and safe as I master the art of truly taking care of my inner child.  As I open my heart to the needs of this inner part of me, I know that I am safe.